tick tock

i can't deal with the whole love thing anymore i guess. all it does is just hurt me and bring me down.
every time i tried to be close with someone, sooner or later it will crumble. every time i think that things are going in my way, things started to badly happen as to no surprise to me now. but each disappointment comes with a price. each time my body seems to weaken it self to a point that i don't really care of my surroundings. i mean seriously, my body can't handle all this negative impulse. i tried to be positive of the whole thing but what does thinking positive really done for me? NONE. ZERO. is as if lady luck is giving me the whole bitch treatment. and i'm paying for it. do you know how effing badly it hurts when i see all my friends happily with their beloved ones? it effing hurts dude. i'm not saying that i'm not happy for them. in fact, i'm happy for each and every one of my friends who already found their perfect someone. i just wish i can be happy for myself for having that perfect someone. i'm sick of being the middle one of my friends relationship. i'm just sick of being alone. but who cares rite? i'm only the guy-friend for each of the girls i know. they just think of me that way. never more. i was once told i was the perfect guy. do you know how sucks it is for a guy knowing that a girl says to you that you're the perfect guy but still you're not even close to be with her? it effing sucks man. i failed so bad at love, i just feel like its a way of life for me. as everyday i have to fail in love just to go on with my day. even my lazy ass brother has a girlfriend. and he rarely goes out of the house. man, i totally sux. if theres a olympic sport for failing in love, well you're looking at the gold medalist right here. i don't want to find myself in a mental breakdown. i almost had one this year. i just wish things go correctly this time. no more screw up. no more bad things. no more bad luck. just give me a chance. as you can see, i'm different. i really do want to find my true love. but its a damn long shot.